lunes, 16 de noviembre de 2009

Un As del Regateo

Autor: César Di Primio

Nunca fui de hacer compras hasta que tuve la necesidad de hacerlo. El concubinato y mi adicción por algunas ensaladas me impulsaron a hacerlo. Pasó hace unos años en una de esas verdulerías que hay en el abasto. Eran esos años en los que convenía comprar allí porque las verdulerías del centro no tenían ni buenos precios ni buenas berenjenas. Así que fui nomás en una camioneta de la que disponía una vez por semana. Y me dispuse a comprar con mi novia Maria que por esos años alumbraba mis días.
Pero antes de bajar yo le iba a dar clases de regateo. Había visto muchas veces esas señoras que empiezan a hablarle al verdulero y chiste tras lugar común y comentario del tiempo van haciendo sus bonus extra y a final se animan a regatear por el total del costo del grupete de bolsas llenas. Y si el verdulero protesta la señora le sigue hablando y pidiendo perejil o algún otro suplemento dietario de poco costo. De modo tal que el verdulero se rinde y acepta cobrarle un poco menos.
Considerando ese arte de ama de casa, le digo a mi novia: “mira Maria, así se regatea” y bajamos del vehículo y comenzamos a elegir la mercadería. El muchacho que me atendió iba anotando en un papelito los costos de los kilos, y de los kilos y medio de diversas frutas y verduras mientras los embolsaba con celeridad. Y yo mentalmente iba haciendo una suma hipotética de cuánto iba sumando la cuenta total. Una bolsa más y yo cargaba mi planilla Excel mental con los datos. Uno con cincuenta, más uno con setenta y cinco, más dos pesos, (eran otras épocas, de allí los bajos precios comparados con los actuales) más dos con veinte… etc.
Llega el momento crucial, el verdulero me dice:
-¿Que va a llevá algo má, amigo?
-No eso es todo-. Repliqué mientras hacía los cálculos finales en mi mente de cuánto sería el total de la cuenta en mi ágil cerebro regateador. El resultado de esa operación aritmética introvertida daba $11,50. Y yo tenía ya preparada en la punta de la lengua la cifra regateadora final. La tenía en la punta de la lengua para apurar y ganarle en velocidad el vendedor… según había visto a muchas señoras en otras verdulerías.
Ya listo a discutir el precio del total, a viva voz, le pregunto al muchacho:
-¿Cuánto es?- esperando que me dijera un número cercano a mis cálculos.
Entonces el verdulero, se saca vistosamente la lapicera de la oreja izquierda (era zurdo) y hace rápidamente la suma. Yo estaba impaciente mientras esperaba la cifra total: Once, once con cincuenta, doce... Yo ya tenía en la gatera mi cifra redonda. Y ahí el tipo me dice:
-Son nueve con veinticinco.
Y yo le contesto rápido y fuerte.
-Te doy diez y quedamos hechos.
Ahí fue cuando abrimos los ojos los dos, un poco desorbitados. El verdulero me miró con ojos profundos y un poco asustados. Yo lo miro con el mismo gesto de que no entendía nada. Entonces colorado como un tomate perita le digo:
-Bueno, por los cincuenta centavos me llevo una manzana y un poco de perejil… chau hasta luego. Manoteando una manzana y una banana porque no encontré el perejil, subí rápido a la camioneta. Cuando me alejaba vimos por el retrovisor que el verdulero todavía tenía la lapicera en la mano y la vista suspendida en el aire lejano y fétido de las verdulerías del abasto
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26 comentarios:

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me siento muy identificada con la situación... yo soy de las pocas que entra a un lugar a comprar algo y si está caro o algo no puedo volver atrás compro menos jijijiji y si me hacen la gran pregunata CHAN CHAN CHAN... ¿TIENE MONEDAS? mi cabeza dice NO LO HAGAS NO LO HAGAS..... si señor si tengo y le dejo todo mi cambio.... ah y me retiro con la frente en alto jijijijijij fernanda

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jajaja muy bueno! me imagino tu novia como te debe haber gastado. silvana.

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Jejeje, ese es mi deporte favorito a la hora de comprar cosas, sobre todo con un cierto costo importante... siempre hago el "mirá que me estoy llevando bla bla y bla, cuanto me hacés por todo?" después el pseudo arrepentimiento o decepción, la tentativa de algo más económico que finalmente no me convence y la vuelta al primer objetivo pero con supuestas muy pocas chances de adquisición. Funciona en un 65% de los casos y aunque las rebajas sean de bajo porcentaje, siempre pero siempre dejan la sensación estúpida de victoria.
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PD: ahora soy vecino de Lorena!

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